Decision made

Yeah, it's been awhile.  Sorry about that.  The kids got sick again in mid-April, a doozy of an infection lasting several weeks over the three boys.  I swear next fall I am going to neti-pot, musinex, eucalyptus oil, zinc and vitamin C the heck out of my family at the first sign of a sneeze.  Whatever it takes, I am on it.

Benjamin's asthma doc decided it would be best if he had his tonsils out.  It will open up his airway and reduce the number of URIs he gets.  Kinda scary, but if it helps in the long run, great.  Of course I have been reading all about tonsillectomy horror stories on the internet, like any anxious mother worth her salt should do.  Right now the surgery is scheduled for June 13, but I will probably need to reschedule, because of ...  a decision we've made.

A decision we've been forced to make, really.  My job is likely to disappear in the next year or so.  I can't really go into the details, which would involve me cursing a lot.  I'd really like to, but I won't.  In any case, in April I was "warned" that my position was "on shaky ground" and that "something is going to happen" before the beginning of the next fiscal year.  Of course, back in February when I asked whether my position was in any danger of being eliminated, I was told 'No.'  Nothing like a cold dose of ambiguity to start your day.

So, I have to transfer.

Openings in my department pop up every few months or so. The whole hiring process takes about four weeks from the first day the position is posted.  So, that's four weeks of not knowing whether you have the job or not.  Four weeks of not knowing whether you will get to pull up stakes and move quickly, or whether you will have to wait for the next job that opens up.

The not-knowing thing drives me crazy.  It's hard to make plans, not knowing where we'll be in one month, three months, six months, etc.  I applied for one opening in late April, made it to the interview, but didn't get it.  Another opening was posted last week, and I sent in my application.  I'll get a call later this week for an interview, which will probably take place sometime next week.

The new job will mean more money, which is good.  But it means leaving a home and a community we love.  It means pulling the kids out of school and having them leave all their friends.  We've already sold the goats (to a farm three miles down the road), and I will have to find a home for the chickens.  And we will have to sort through everything we have accumulated in our ten years here, figuring out what to pack, what to toss, and what to give away.  (Garage sales don't work very well when you live ten miles from town.)  It means finding a temporary place to live in a new town.  It means getting approved for another mortgage, finding and buying a new home, and then trying to sell this house.  When I think about all of it, I am overwhelmed.

So, blog friends, that is why I haven't posted in so long.  Lots of changes in the air, lots of uncertainty.  And being the control freak that I am, I don't do well with uncertainty.  I'm trying to be very Zen about it.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  Unless we are incredibly lucky and find another fourteen acre farmstead to live on, I will have to rename this blog.  We are trying to be optimistic.

Like I said, it's the not-knowing that kills me.  I feel like I'm in a holding pattern, circling above the airport waiting for clearance to land.  At this point I don't know when we'll land, and I don't know where we'll land.  I just hope I don't run out of fuel.