Thursday, February 9, 2012

Envy


If only I had more time, I could learn more about photography.  I could be outside at sunrise or sunset to catch the best light, wait quietly in the woods for birds and wildlife, drive around the countryside looking for picturesque old buildings and landscapes. 

I find myself saying that a lot -- not the photography part, the 'more time' part.  I look around at all the cool things other people around me are doing.  Painting, photography, writing, pottery, community work, etc.  In my mind I come up with excuses.  Those people don't have young children at home to care for.  Those people don't have a job they have to go to.  Those people don't have to worry about spending money on non-necessities. 

Yes, I know, I know.  The most important thing I need to be doing right now is raising three little boys.  Growing and feeding them good food, helping with their schoolwork, keeping them healthy and happy, teaching them hundreds of everyday things.  One day, ten or twenty years from now when my boys don't need my help on a hourly basis, I will have lots of free time to devote to whatever I want.  And when that happens, it's likely I will want to give it all back, and be able to play and tickle and snuggle with them again.

But I am still envious.  Just a bit.

5 comments:

Mama Pea said...

My dear, you are in a phase of your life when it's hard to keep going without being able to steal enough time to do the things that re-energize and replenish your very soul. It's not easy; every woman who is sincerely trying to be a good wife, mother and all-round caregiver knows this. As I mentioned in my post the other day, I went YEARS without doing any handwork which has always been something that nourishes me. The times we are living in, I think, make our daily lives so much busier and, yes, difficult than that of generations before us. But you have the interests and desires that will always be with you and you'll be able to explore them when your responsibilities change. In the meantime, you MUST find time to do the minimum of what it takes to enable you to remain healthy enough to take care of those beautiful boys. That's a gift you can give them. Hugs.

Erin said...

I am totally nodding in agreement with you! I have amassed quite a bit of "hobby equipment", but have no time to actually do anything more than flip through library books and "think about" doing them while driving or during swim lessons, chores, etc. You are right, we are busy growing kids and families right now, I believe our time will come :)

fullfreezer said...

Your time will definitely come- sooner than you think. I found as my children got older I could find snippets of time here and there to do 'fun' things.
Also, and I don't know if it would work for you- but when the children were young and required constant attention, my hubby and I worked out a deal where every other weekend, one of us would take charge of the children for an afternoon- leaving the other a 4 hour block of time to do what ever they wanted- exercise, sewing, hobby, sleep... It helped keep me sane in those days of working full time out of the home and full time in the home as well.
Good luck.
Judy

Kathy said...

Keepin' it real Jo! Envy is such an insidious thing... My garden sucks, I'm already out of canned tomato sauce, and there's not a bar of nice hand made soap in my house--except the one you made that I save for "pretty" in my laundry room/bathroom.

I realized yesterday that I had not stepped one foot out of my door since Sunday. I got into my car and sped into Clinton-- getting high on going 75mph with earsplitting loud music. Also realized I hadn't listened to one note of music in more than a week. And even though I'm in my house- and no where else- my children were neglected and stood crying in my office while I worked nonstop straight through weekends and evenings for the better part of a month. (that's done for now!)

My kids just called me the 'best mom ever' cuz I bought them off with a $3.99 Amazon on demand Kung Fu Panda II. Really-- I'm escaping to the kitchen pretending to make them a homemade pizza (not!), listening to Garrison Keillor and checking up on your blog.

Like Mama Pea says-- replenish and energize your soul as you can. I love your photos-- it's not technique dear friend. It's the eye and the heart behind the photos that shines through. That's what I see in your photos. Reflected in the beautiful eyes of those boys you are nourishing.

Signed,
A worn out woman east of Clinton.

Jo said...

Mama Pea -- Thanks for the long distance hugs. You always know the right thing to say. Someday I am going to show up on your doorstep and repay you for all of them. It's only an eight hour drive, right?

Erin -- I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this sometimes! And you're right, day dreaming keeps us going while we're busy with the busy day stuff.

Fullfreezer -- Great idea about the afternoon off. And yes, time does free up as they get older. It's the mental energy that I have a lack of, more often than not. Perhaps I'm just lacking in that area, though!

Kathy -- I laughed loud at your guilty mom stories, I am right there with you. I buy my kids off with chocolate milk and video games. Ha! I will soooo get you another bar of soap! I owe you for the Step Afrika tickets, that show was fabulous. Congrats on the completion of your project! And thanks for everything, you are the bees knees.